meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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