This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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