Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just found puke in my bra..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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