i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
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If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
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My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
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