when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
