He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
