I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
