I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
