It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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