Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
