Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
