it wasn't lemon gatorade
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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