I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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