Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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