if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize