i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
