i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize