Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize