but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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