If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
