did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
