Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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