i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
