Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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