Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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