Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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