this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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