Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
