You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I can't turn off my feet"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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