I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
