Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
my shit smells like andre
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I love having hate sex.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Randomize
