she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
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If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
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Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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