you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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