I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
