just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
