well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
