OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
