her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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