Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
