I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
