it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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