3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
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so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
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This baby is an asshole
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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