is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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