just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
