Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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