nut hugger
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
