I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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