Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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