standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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