Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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