Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
