And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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