I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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