Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
