You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
