she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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