i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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