ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
