Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
