I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
