I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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