did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
